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" The Art of Getting a Job or The Day The Saiya-Jins Took on Centrelink"Written By: Debs-dragon Disclaimer: I don't own the DBZ gang. A rich Japanese man does. Rating: PG Warnings: Minor violence, torture of Centrelink, some language, attempts at humor Notes: While wasting yet another couple of hours in Centrelink for the powers that be to decide my fate and getting more an more frustrated with the delay an idea suddenly popped into my head and much to the amusement of my fellow 'sheep' I began to chuckle. The trusty note book was dragged from my bag, notes made and now the result of that episode is this fic. With many of you out there having dealt with Centrelink at some stage you will know where I am coming from... for those that have yet to undergo the experience... It was nice knowing you. ^_^ Enjoy.... "The Art of Getting a Job or The day the Saiya-jins took on Centrelink" Deb's dragon February 2003
"It may not from the outside but trust me.... It's a jungle in there." replied Bulma. "We should know guys, after all we are the ones that generally deal with them most of the time." added Chi Chi. Bulma parked the mini van and everyone piled out. Locking the doors Bulma and Chi Chi led the way to the red brick building. They passed many other people, all with disgruntled looks on their faces as they approached the main glass doors. To Chi Chi it always seemed that the doors were like a giant mouth, just waiting to swallow you up into the system and spit you out the other end. If you could survive the interrogation in between that is. The doors swooshed open to admit the group and they found themselves confronted by a second set. "Why two lots of doors?" Krillin asked. "That's in case the first ones don't work." replied Goku with a knowing smile. Krillin stared. "I don't believe I just heard that." They trooped through the second doors and came to the next hurdle.... The reception desk. A smiling ditzy blonde looked up from the computer game she was playing. "Can I help you?" "I think some of us are beyond help." muttered Vegeta under his breath. Bulma elbowed him in the ribs and hoisted Trunks up on her hip a little. "Yes. We all need to speak to someone." "Ahh. Just which section is it you need?" "How the hell should we know? You're the one behind the desk. Isn't it your job to tell us?" Piccolo was not amused. "No need to get shifty with me greeny. I may be blonde but I do know what I am doing." "Then I suggest you get on and do your job then woman." The blonde looked a little irritated. "I need to know what your inquiries are about so as I can issue you with a ticket for the appropriate department. "I don't want a ticket... I only just finished paying off the last lot of fines." whined Goku. "Not that sort of ticket you idiot." hissed Krillin. "Oh." Goku thought it best to shut up. Bulma took charge again. "We..." she indicated to Chi Chi and herself, "...need to speak to someone in the Family Services section. These guys...." she pointed to the rest of the group, "... need to speak with someone in regards to unemployment benefits." "Now why didn't you say that in the first place." The blonde smiled and began to punch happily at the little machine. She pulled off a couple of tickets and handed them to Bulma. She then punched again at the machine and handed over a reel of tickets to Goku. "Please just take a seat and wait until your number is called." "Any idea how long we will have to wait?" asked Chi Chi. The woman consulted her computer screen and then the list in front of her. "I'd say about thirty minutes, give or take a couple of hours for you two.... As for them..." She waved around at the guys and then to the crowded room, "Your guess is as good as mine." The group moved off and left the ditz to go back to her game. Looking around the small waiting area there didn't seem to be anywhere left to sit. People were staring blankly at the large television suspended above them, others were jabbing idly at computer screens, several were staring off into space and a couple were snoring in the back row. "Geeeze, I hope we don't have to wait as long as him." said Yamcha as he pointed to the corner. All heads swiveled. Sitting in the corner was a cobweb covered skeleton, clothes in holes still draped over the bony frame. "I wonder what his number is?" mused Goku. "I'd say his number is up." snickered Krillin. "So where are we going to sit?" asked Bulma as she looked around. "Over there." Vegeta replied and pointed to a row. "But it's full." Vegeta directed a glare at the row of people. The dust settled. "Not any more." Vegeta smirked. The group trailed over and placed their various backsides upon the hard metal seats. "You'd think they would have more comfortable seating." complained Chi Chi, "This cold hard thing is going to play havoc with my piles." "Piles?" Piccolo raised an antennae. "You try having two part saiya-jin kids and see how your body reacts." If Piccolo wasn't already green he soon would have been. "Lets sort out these tickets." said Bulma. "Mine is H 05." "H 06." replied Chi Chi. "What's with the letters?" Goku asked. "It's the way the system works. The letter indicates the section you need to speak to." "Oh?" "For example I guess the H means home maker, so those with inquiries in relation to family and kids are given a ticket with a H." replied Bulma. "Shouldn't that be a letter B in that case." sniggered Vegeta. "How do you figure that?" Goku looked at his friend. "B for brats." "Krillin should have a B then." piped up Yamcha. "Why?" "B for baldy." "I suppose they gave you a letter M for moron." huffed Krillin. "Actually it should be G for gorgeous, gallant, glorious as well as generally employable." "More like garbage." came Bulma's voice. "So I guess then that means Goku has a letter D?" snickered Vegeta. "Huh?" Goku looked at the ticket in his hand. "D as in Dumb." "Or destructive in your case Vegeta." responded Krillin. "Shouldn't Bulma have an I then?" said Goku. "Why?" "I as in Intelligent Inventor." "Thank you Goku." A person appeared and called out... "E fifty nine please... Ticket E fifty nine." An elderly looking gentleman got to his feet and doddered across the floor. "I thought E was for educated and employable. Surely he should have a P for pensioner." said Piccolo. "I guess you wouldn't believe me if I told you he was in his twenties when he got here and received his ticket." whispered Chi Chi. Piccolo's eyes went wide and he quickly calculated just how much he still had left to do in his life and how he could accomplish that while still stuck here waiting for his number to be called. Chi Chi glanced across and noted that all five men held a ticket with the letter A emblazoned on it. "So what does the A stand for then Bulma?" she asked "As far as I can tell it means Average." "Average!!!" The five all cried out in indignation. "We are far from average woman!" growled Vegeta. "Could always be Alien." giggled Chi Chi. ~ oOo ~ Three hours later..... Piccolo was quietly meditating, Chi Chi and Bulma were chatting about children, Krillin and Yamcha were busily reading the last of the pamphlets that adorned the one wall, Goku was trying to make out what all the fuss was about on the Jerry Springfield show and Vegeta.... An unsuspecting person was bending over the computer and looking busily through the listing of available jobs. A tiny ki ball hit him on the backside. Goku caught the movement of someone as they jumped as if stung by a bee. He watched out the corner of his eye as the person settled then continued to peruse the screen. Another tiny ki ball followed by a jump and a slap of the palm to the offended area. Goku's face tugged into a smile. He watched as the person tried again to concentrate on the screen. Another tiny ki ball. This time the person jumped and looked wildly around. Goku did his best to hold his laughter. He glanced at Vegeta who wore an innocent expression. Unable to find anything unusual the person went warily back to the screen. Goku watched as Vegeta raised his finger again and pointed. The small, hardly detectable ball of energy shot forth once more. Again the person jumped and whirled around. Glaring heatedly at the assembled group of people he had no clue as to who or what was attacking him. He returned to the computer once again only this time he kept darting furtive glances over his shoulder. When nothing immediate happened he began to relax and concentrate on the job search once more. Vegeta took careful aim. The person yelped and clutched his rear protectively. Spinning around he cast a heated glance to the crowd before stomping out. "Nice shooting Tex." Vegeta blew the imaginary smoke from the tip of his finger before folding his arms again, a smirk of satisfaction on his face. Another person appeared from the bowels of the building. "Ticket number H five please.... H five." "Oh that's me!" squealed Bulma and she hastily got to her feet and practically ran across the room to the woman. "I wonder if we will ever see her again." mused Krillin. "What do you mean by that?" Vegeta had a hopeful look on his face. "I've seen a couple of people go in but I have yet to see anyone emerge." "Oh." "How much longer are we going to have to wait?" moaned Yamcha. "Not much if I have my way." growled Vegeta. "Ticket number B thirty .... Ticket B thirty." "Ticket number G three please... G three." "Ticket C four. C four please." "Ticket E sixty... Ticket E sixty." "Geeze are they going to go through the whole alphabet?" complained Yamcha. "Hey! When are they going to call out any of the A's?" "I think they obliterated the letter A from the alphabet." retorted Krillin. "Ticket number A twelve.... Ticket A twelve." "Yay! There is a god!" "What number are you Goku?" "Errr... A, five hundred and forty two." "Damn. I'm A, five hundred and forty five." "Looks like we should have brought lunch." said Goku. "I'd say we are going to need more than just lunch..." ~ oOo ~ "H six please... H 6..." The young woman called out. "Here.. here I am! Chi Chi jumped up from her chair and practically ran across the room. "Follow me please." With a grin she followed the woman to a small desk and sat down. The woman shuffled some papers around on her desk. "Now then lets see... You have applied for family assistance payment correct?" "Yes." "I just need for you to fill out these forms for me then." The woman reached beside the desk and heaved up a stack of bound papers. Chi Chi gasped at the size of the stack. It must be at least two foot high! Rolling her eyes she reached for the first sheet and began to read, now she knew why Bulma had yet to return..... * * * * "And he scores!" Yamcha tossed another screwed up pamphlet into the waste basket. Piccolo glanced up from his meditation and gave him a look of disgust, Krillin continued to snore. "Hah! I win again Kakarott." Vegeta smirked. "Play another one?" "Might as well." Both Saiya-jins returned their gazes to the ceiling and aimed their fingers. A grid for tic tac toe was burnt alongside many others into the white plaster. "Your turn Kakarott." Vegeta had placed his X in the left bottom corner. Goku pondered his move before inserting the nought in the centre square, a circular piece of plaster dropped from the ceiling and struck another patiently waiting person on the head, knocking them unconscious. "Quick, what's his number?" shouted Yamcha as he dived across to retrieve the slip of paper from the man's nerveless fingers. "Dammit! It's a G." Vegeta snickered. "Serves you right you thief." He then placed his X at the top of the grid. Goku slipped his nought to the right, completely missing the obvious place and leaving the game wide open for Vegeta to win again. "Hah! Teach your grandmother to suck eggs." Vegeta smirked. Piccolo and Krillin stared at him. Ticket A, five hundred and forty one.... A, five hundred and forty one?" "Woo hooo... that means I'm next guys!" Goku cheered. The rest of the group scowled at him. "Oh..." Goku began to jiggle in his seat. "What is it now Kakarott?" asked Vegeta in irritation. "I, err.... Ummm... I need the bathroom." "It's over that way." Yamcha pointed in the direction of a small blue door. "But what if they call my number while I'm in there?" "Don't worry we will let them know where you are and that you will be back in a minute." "Okay. Thanks Vegeta. Here I think you better hold my ticket for me." Vegeta took the ticket and looked smug. Goku wandered off in the direction of the little saiya-jins room. No sooner had he shut the door and settled into his err... relief than outside.... Ticket A, five hundred and forty two... A, five hundred and forty two." "That's me!" Vegeta bounced up out of his seat. Piccolo, Krillin and Yamcha all stared at him but the glare they received by way of response was enough to convince them that silence was the more appropriate action at this time. Goku returned to find Vegeta gone and his number now relegated to A, five hundred and forty six. With a sigh he sat down and ran his hands through his hair. It had been six hours already, Chi Chi had disappeared two hours ago and still no sign of her or themselves being seen anytime soon. Yamcha had had enough. He stood and walked back to the reception desk where the ditzy blonde eyed him warily. He put on his best smile and added a swagger to his walk. Leaning casually against the desk he let his eyes roam over the woman. With a sultry look in his eye he spoke with the best tone of huskiness he could manage. "So sugar, what say you and me go grab some dinner tonight?" The blonde suitably simpered at him and looked overwhelmed. She glanced at her watch. "I get off in an hour." Yamcha looked back at his friends that were all staring at him. He reached over and ran his finger along the girls arm. "Well if my friends and I are through by then I'd say it's a date." He gave her a meaningful look. The blonde shivered at the touch and glanced across at the group of friends all staring at her with puppy dog eyes. She looked back at her computer screen and punched a few keys on the board. Turning back to Yamcha she spoke. "Where shall I meet you?" "I'll pick you up out front." The conversation was interrupted as four people came scuttling forth. "Ticket A, five hundred and forty three.... Ticket A, five hundred and forty four..... Ticket A, five hundred and forty five.... Ticket A, five hundred and forty six..."
* * * * Chi Chi rubbed her eyes and tried to get her vision to go straight. The stack of forms had diminished a bit but there was still at least half the pile to go. Picking up the pen she again began to tick little boxes and write appropriate figures in the proper places. She paused for a moment and looked questioningly at the girl on the other side of the stack. "Excuse me... but do you really need to know how much I spend on laundry powder?" "Yes." "And if I grow my own vegetables or not?" "Yes." "What I spend on cotton and thread for sewing repairs?" "Look, I'm sorry if I appear a bit slow here but what can all that possible be used for?" "It will let us know if you are genuinely in need of assistance or if you are someone who wastes funds." Chi Chi rolled her eyes and muttered, "I suppose you will want to know what color undies I have on next!" "I don't think that question comes in until about page three hundred and ten." Chi Chi slumped in defeat. * * * * * "Now Mr... " "Goku, call me Goku." Goku stretched his hand out in offer. The officer clasped said hand and then yelped as the bones were nearly crushed. Cradling the abused limb he sat down and motioned for Goku to do the same. "You are here to apply for unemployment benefit I take it." "This is the right place isn't it?" Goku looked a little worried for a moment. "Yes it is." The officer sighed. It had already been a long day with three clients and fifteen coffee breaks, not to mention lunch as well. "I need to ask you some questions and fill out these forms and then we can see what we can do for you." "Okay." Goku relaxed into his chair. * * * ** "According to this previous employment history you have qualifications in the religious sector. Is that correct?" "I suppose so." "Well either it is or it isn't." "I was in a monastery for some time before meeting up with the master and undergoing training." replied Krillin. "Master!?... Training!?..." the officer looked rather shocked, then a feral glint lit up his eye. "Errr.... what sort of training and was this *master* any good?" "Oh he was the best. He taught me all about building up my strength and increasing my stamina." "Ohhh...." The officer's eyes began to glaze over. "Tell me more...." * * * * * "Here you are Mr Piccolo, if you can just fill out these forms please." "I can't write." "Pardon?" "I said I can't write." The officer gave a nervous laugh. "Surely you have an education?" "I didn't attend school as you call it." "Umm... this might seem like a silly question but I have to ask it. You're not from around here are you?" "No." "I didn't think so." * * * * "Now Mr Vegeta, you have stated here you were in the employ of a ..... Mr Frieza?" "Yes." "So why did you leave the job? I mean it must have paid pretty good." "It did." "So why leave then?" "He got himself killed." "Oh." "That stupid idiot Kakarott killed him! It wasn't fair, that was supposed to be my place. I wanted to kill him but Kakarott took that away from me..." Vegeta began to rant. The officer swallowed hard and shuffled around some papers on his desk. "I don't think we have any openings for trained assassins at the moment..." * * * * "You lived in the desert, correct?" "Yes." "Ummm... why?" "It was the only place I could make a living at the time." "How?" "Oh you know... take from the rich to feed the poor." Yamcha neglected to add that the poor was himself. "Sort of like Robin Hood?" "Who's he? A relative of yours?" * * * * "Those are all genuine expenses I'll have you know." Bulma was beginning to get riled. "I beg to differ..." "You think it's easy trying to run the biggest company on the earth? Besides all the inventions that people expect you to continue to produce there is the stress of raising my son, not to mention keeping up appearances for the public, and I'll have you know that space ships take an awful lot of fuel ..." "But valium hardly constitutes an expense." "You try living with Vegeta then and see if you can survive without it." * * * * "Savior of the earth hey?" "Yep. Twice now." "Twice?" "The first time you probably wouldn't have been aware of it. That's when I fought on Namek." "Namek?" "Yeah Namek. It was a little planet out there in the solar system but unfortunately it blew up." *Blink* "Then the second time was against the creature Cell." "But Mr Satan beat Cell." Goku chuckled and leaned forward. "He had a little help on that one." "Oh." * * * * * "Funeral costs? But your husband is alive and in here today Mrs. Son." "Yes I know." "So how do you clarify Funeral costs then?" "It's a long story." "I'm waiting." * * * * Three hours later.... Krillin smiled as Goku emerged back into the waiting area. "How'd it go?" Goku looked a little confused. "They said the only positions they have available that would suit me at the moment is story telling at the local library. Something about I have a vivid imagination?" Goku scratched his head. "Well it seems there are two openings for me." "Really?" "Yeah, I can become a priest at the church or a guest speaker at the local bondage society." Both heads turned as Piccolo and Yamcha walked out. "What about you two? What did they say to you?" Krillin asked. Yamcha smirked. "I was offered a position working in politics." "How did you manage that?" "What about you Piccolo?" "Seems they have a use for me in medicine." "Medicine?" "I'm not quite sure myself but the officer was muttering something about illegal aliens, experiments and scientific research." "That sounds like a really good position to me Piccolo." responded Goku. "Here come the girls." Yamcha nodded in the direction Chi Chi and Bulma were approaching from. "They reckon they won't up my payment because rocket fuel doesn't count as a deduction. It is a tax write off, that stuff costs a fortune so there goes a large chunk of my claim." "They told me that the money Goku won at the last tournament should be more than enough to keep us going for a lifetime. I ask you! How am I supposed to keep him fed on that paltry amount?" "I'm with you Chi Chi. The system sucks. Oh, hello all. Is Vegeta back yet?" "No he isn't. But I don't think he will be too much longer." "So what jobs did you all manage to get?" "Story teller." "Politician." "Lab rat." "Guest speaker for the BDSM groups." A roar from within broke up the small talk. "I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW I AM A PRINCE! JUST BECAUSE MY HOME WAS DESTROYED DOESN'T MEAN MY STATUS HAS CHANGED!" "Uh Oh. Sounds like Vegeta is beginning to get royally peeved." "I WILL NOT STAND HERE AND BE INSULTED ANY LONGER!" There was a sudden flash and the whole area began to glow a bright gold. "I think now would be a good time to exit." said Krillin. Everyone looked quickly at each other and then across to where the bright light was emanating from. They all sprang into a run and bolted for the doors. The intensity of the glow increased and energy levels rose rapidly. With a roar the irate saiya-jin let fly. Within seconds the building was reduced to rubble. As the dust settled and the odd bit of paper floated to the ruins so Vegeta appeared, his anger somewhat appeased for the moment.. Bulma approached the still seething saiya-jin. "Umm Vegeta? Lets just go home shall we?" Vegeta cast a glare at the pile of debris that signified the former Centrelink building as he followed the others. Walking back to the van Goku fell into step with Vegeta. "So what sort of job did they offer you then?" "You don't want to know." "But I do. Come on Vegeta, you can tell me." Vegeta sighed. "Cleaner." "Cleaner?" "To be more specific, toilet cleaner." "Oh?" "They reckon they could save a fortune on toilet brushes given my hairstyle." "Ahhhh" Goku began to chuckle. "Kakarott?" "Yes Vegeta." "Shut up." ~ Fin ~ |
