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" Goku and the not so Jolly Giant "Written By: Debs-dragon & Havoc Disclaimer: We don't own the DBZ crew, a rich Japanese man does. We don't own the original fairy tale "Jack and the Beanstalk" and we don't want to either. Rating: PG 13 Warnings: Parody, humor, insanity (Havoc's not mine!) Notes: This is going to be the first in what we hope to become the Fairy Tale arc... a series of fics that defy all logic by placing our wonderful heroes in well known fairy tales and in the process destroying all normal conception of said fairy tales. *insert evil grins here* Archive: www.dragonball-diaries.150m.com Anyone
else who wants this bit of random insanity then just ask! ^_^ Goku and the not so Jolly Giant January 2003 Debs-dragon & Havoc part 2 "Mooooooooooooooo................" Goku looked around wildly but there was no sign of the merchant or his father in law/cow. It was as if they had vanished into thin air. Goku looked again at the bag of beans and then at the empty air before scanning the beans once more. "I am so in for it." he said out loud. Goku scratched his head as he tried to think up a way to explain his current predicament to Chi Chi. "Hmmm.... maybe if I tell her I misplaced the cow but found these beans instead?.... Nah that wont work she would never believe I could just find some beans like that..... I know, the cow jumped over the moon? Nah that wont work either the climatic conditions aren't right for take off. I guess I will just have to cross that bridge when I come to it." Not wanting to face the wrath of his wife for a while yet Goku set off along the track. he wondered idly about the beans he held and what was so magical about them. They looked just like ordinary beans, well almost. The color and shape of them reminded him of a certain part of Krillin's anatomy. Smooth, soft and shiny with a subtle covering of baby soft fuzz. Yep they sure looked a lot like Krillin's head...... (What did you think we were gonna say? ^_^ ) A little further down the track he spotted a wolf. He slipped behind a tree and watched what the wolf was up to. Said wolf was approaching what appeared to be a hay stack. Goku scratched his head again as the wolf blew at the hay stack. Thinking the wolf could probably do with a hand, and being a helpful person, Goku wandered over. "Hey buddy what you trying to do?" The wolf looked at him through sly yellow eyes. The wolf replied sarcastically, "I'm trying to start a barbecue, what does it look like I'm doing?" "Oh in that case let me help you out." Goku raised his palm and sent a smallish ki blast at the hay stack. *Whoosh* The haystack instantly ignited and within seconds was reduced to a smoking pile of ash with a blackened figure sitting in the middle. The figure blinked a couple of times before speaking. "What did you do that for?" The wolf's eyes gleamed. He liked his pork medium rare. "Errr I just thought I would help out a little." "Look mate, I don't know where it is you came from but you didn't help out at all. In fact you just managed to destroy a rather well known children's icon... namely me. Now I suggest that whatever fairy tale it is you sprang from you get yourself back there and leave the rest of us to act out our own!" Goku stepped back and left. He pondered this thought as he trudged once more upon the track. his mind wandered in circles until he suddenly found himself flat on his back having walked right into a tree in his garden that he didn't have. "Goku? Is that you?" The shrill voice of Chi Chi pierced the unusually quite air. "Uh oh.... The calm before the storm." thought Goku. "Did you manage to sell the cow? How much did you get for him? Can I go shopping now? I really need to get some new makeup." Chi Chi's voice sang out from the house/shack/hut/hovel. "Ahhh....cow?...What cow?" Goku scrambled his thoughts to try to come up with a good excuse to explain the beans. "What do you mean what cow! My father you idiot. You know the big fat hairy brown thing with four legs, a tail and an udder...." screamed Chi Chi. "Oh...That cow...Uhhhh." "You did take him to the market.... Didn't you?" "Uhhhh......." "You know, market... the place with stalls and produce... you buy and sell stuff there." Chi Chi was becoming more animated by the minute. "Ahh....that market...." Chi Chi's eyes narrowed and a dangerous glint appeared in them. "Why do I get the feeling that something isn't quite right here?" "Errrr...." "Goku?" "Yes?" "Is there something you need to tell me?" "Ummm.... Well I was on my way to the market..." Chi Chi tapped her foot. ".....when I met this merchant guy." "And?" "Well.... hewantedthecowsohesaidhewouldgivemewhatwasinthebaginexchange." *Blink* "Errr... do you think you can run that by me one more time only in English please?" Goku took a deep breath. "Well... he wanted the cow so he said he would give me what was in the bag in exchange." Chi Chi crooked an eyebrow and held out her hand expectantly. Goku trembled a little as he handed over the bag. Chi Chi took the bag and opened it. Peering into the depths her colour began to change from a rather flushed pink to a fetching deep red. "What the Hell do you call this!?" Goku's eyes widened as he watched his spouse power up to super human level 2. It was not a pretty sight. Goku swallowed hard. "Uhh beans? they are supposed to be magical..." Holding her temper (barely) Chi Chi looked him in the eye.... "I don't care if they belong to the Pope! You're telling me you swapped the cow for three beans!?" "But Chi Chi, it wasn't my fault." "Oh?" "IaskedhimtoholdtheropewhileIcheckedwhatwasinthebagandwhenIlookeduphehadvanishedwiththecow." "Uh?" "I suppose it isn't really all that bad though..." "And what do you mean by that?" "The old saying...." "And what saying would that be?" "You know... Beans, beans, are good for the heart, the more you eat the more you fart, The more you fart the better you feel, so eat beans for every meal..." *Thud* "Was it something I said?" Goku stared down at the unconscious form of Chi Chi. "I guess that went better than expected." Goku stepped over the prone form of his wife and went inside for a glass of water. A few minutes later Chi Chi's form appeared in the doorway. "Damn! I knew it was too good to last." thought Goku. Chi Chi's face looked ready to kill. The air was silent.... the tension was thick..... a tumbleweed blew past the open doorway..... the sky was crystal clear.... a crack of thunder came out of no where. *Insert typical western twang of guitar strings to signify a show down is about to commence.* Goku backed up slowly, Chi Chi began to advance... guns drawn.... and then let him have it with both barrels. "I can't believe you could be so thick as to swap the cow for three stupid beans!" "But..errr..." "What am I supposed to cook up with three beans? I can't even make a three bean salad as I don't have the rest of the ingredients..." "But..." "If you're so smart I suggest you come up with something I can make!" Goku scratched his head. "Ummm... beans on toast?.... minus the toast?" he offered helpfully. "ARRRRGH!" Chi Chi exploded. Goku scrambled frantically for the window and shot outside where he could listen to his wife's tirade in relative safety. From the sounds of things he had only just made it in time too. Chi Chi continued to rant about her husband's uselessness, giving vent to her anger on anything and everything that came within her sight or grasp. Goku heard a squeak and looked down. The thin mouse had also beat a hasty retreat and now sat looking bewildered at Goku's feet. "Of all the stupid, idiotic, nonsensical, harebrained, absurd, feeble minded things to do...." Goku sighed as the ranting continued, then ducked as a familiar looking bag was thrown from the window. The bag landed on the ground with a soft plop. The mouse looked at Goku and then to the bag, his whiskers twitched. Goku looked at the mouse and then to the bag, his eyebrows twitched. With a flurry of fur, feet, claws, arms, tail and legs they both shot off to grab the bag. "Got it! Hah! Beat you that time you renegade rodent." Goku clutched the bag defensively to his chest. The mouse stuck his nose in the air, gave a low growl before turning and giving Goku *the tail* and marching off. Goku stared and blinked then opened up the bag determined to eat the beans as Chi Chi obviously didn't want them. He reached inside..... Nothing. He up ended the bag and shook it.... Nothing. Goku frantically scrabbled around in the dirt looking for the lost beans. After searching for a good few minutes he still came up empty handed. Finally accepting that the beans were well and truly gone he gave up the search and resigned himself to not eating that night. Slouched up against the wall of the house/shack/hut/hovel and waiting for Chi Chi to calm down enough for it to be safe to return, he fell asleep. ~ oOo ~ |
