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" Goku and the not so Jolly Giant "Written By: Debs-dragon & Havoc Disclaimer: We don't own the DBZ crew, a rich Japanese man does. We don't own the original fairy tale "Jack and the Beanstalk" and we don't want to either. Rating: PG 13 Warnings: Parody, humor, insanity (Havoc's not mine!) Notes: This is going to be the first in what we hope to become the Fairy Tale arc... a series of fics that defy all logic by placing our wonderful heroes in well known fairy tales and in the process destroying all normal conception of said fairy tales. *insert evil grins here* Archive: www.dragonball-diaries.150m.com Anyone
else who wants this bit of random insanity then just ask! ^_^ Goku and the not so Jolly Giant January 2003 Debs-dragon & Havoc part 3 The birds were chirping as the sun broke through and caressed the sky with her rays...... Would have been nice if that's how it actually happened but in reality it was a loud crash of thunder and bucketing rain that awoke Goku. It took Goku a few moments to determine that it actually *was* thunder he was hearing and not Chi Chi's voice as he first thought, not that Chi Chi was silent. On the contrary she was still ranting on inside the house/shack/hut/hovel. Goku sighed. Some things never change. He looked up to see why it was so dark. Even if the sky was covered with black angry clouds it wasn't usually this dark... and that sound... pitter, pat, pitter, pat. Raindrops didn't sound that soft, it was more like a crash bang of the full percussion section of the local orchestra on the tin roof! Goku looked around. "Huh?" A brown furry bundle stood with his leg cocked against the trunk of a....... "What the?" The mouse turned its beady black eyes and stared at Goku. It squeaked. Was there no privacy? "Now there's an idea." Goku said as he stood and walked over to the trunk to relieve himself. As he stood there so his eyes traveled upwards, brain kicking into gear and informing him that since when did they have a bloody great beanstalk in the front garden?! Mouth open with shock he turned to the mouse. "Errrr..... Did you do that?" The mouse looked thoughtful before giving an indignant squeak. It stood on its hind legs, forepaws resting on his hips and proceeded to let fly with a torrent of squeaks. Translated (courtesy of Havoc) to say..... "What the hell do I look like?! Part of the Backyard Blitz team?" "Touchy, touchy." Goku scratched his head. "Wonder where it came from then... and more so where does it go?" The sound of Chi Chi's ranting getting closer and louder was all the persuasion Goku needed to find out just where this green thing went. He looked at the mouse. "You coming?" The mouse paused and turned his head at the sound of Chi Chi. Mind made up he scampered over and ran up the inside of Goku's trouser leg. Goku suddenly began to do a rather weird rendition of the macarina as the furry creature fought his way through unexplored territory to stick it's head out the top of Goku's shirt. "Oh there you are." said Goku a little relieved. "For a moment there I thought I had lost you." The mouse squeaked.... "Well I had to work my way through some pretty tough vegetation.... When was the last time you had your bikini line waxed?" "My what?" "Forget it buster... Let's get climbing, the Hag from hell will be here any second." "Got you." Goku took a firm hold of the lowest branch and began to climb the stalk. ~ oOo ~ "Are we there yet?" Asked Goku as he swiped another fistful of beans from the bough he was passing. The mouse rolled his eyes and looked up from within Goku's shirt. "Not yet." 5 mins later..... "Are we there yet?" "No." Another 5 mins later..... "Are we there yet?" "What are you? A broken record?" 5 mins later..... "Are we there yet?" "No." 5 mins later...... "Are we there yet?" "Geeeze." The mouse looked down. "Ummm Goku...." "What? Are we there?" "Ummm No not yet but someone is following us." The mouse pointed to the figure of Chi Chi a few boughs behind them. "Damn! How the heck did she managed to catch up so quick?" "Don't worry about that for now... we need to do something and quick." Goku stopped his climbing and waited. "What are you doing?" squeaked the mouse. "She's nearly here, move it mate or you will be getting the ear bashing from hell and I will become mouse stew!" There was a growling and then a rumbling from Goku's insides. "What the?" Goku's eyes squeezed shut and his face began to turn red. "Uh oh...." The mouse ducked his head back inside Goku's shirt and held his breath. *Fisst... Flurp... whoosh....* "Oh my god! That's just foul!" said Chi Chi as the wave of odor passed over her. She went to pinch her nose and clamp a hand over her mouth, realizing too late that she needed both hands on the stalk to maintain her position. With wide eyes she gracefully fell to the ground... "Oh my. I hope she didn't hurt herself." said Goku as he looked down at his wife's unconscious form spread out at the base of the stalk. "I doubt it." squeaked the mouse. "She only fell about six feet." "Huh?" "Look." The mouse pointed. "But we have been climbing for ages." "Heard of the saying going nowhere fast?" "Errr..." "I suggest if you want to get to the top of this beanstalk, not to mention the end of the story before the authors grow old and gray and are searching for their dentures, that we get a MOVE ON!" "Okay! Okay! No need to shout." Goku once more began to climb. ~ oOo ~ Sometime later...... "Oh wow." "Z..z...z...z...z...z...z....z...z...z...z..." "Will you look at that." "Z...z....z....z.....z.....z......z.....z....z..." "Now that's cool." "Z...z....z....z.....z.....z......z.....z....z..." "Hey mousie.... Wake up, you gotta check this out." "No... no please I can't eat anymore... Uh.. What? Where are we?" "Look mousie, we made it." The mouse looked up and rubbed his eyes. They were still clinging to the beanstalk, surrounded by swirling clouds. In the distance stood a rather imposing building. "Now what?" Goku paused. "Well I was kinda hoping you would have a few ideas on that one." "Why me? I'm just a poor harmless field mouse that got dragged along for the ride. Do I look like Einstein to you?" The mouse folded his paws in disgust. "I suppose we should go and check it out." "Well its a waste of a climb if we don't." Goku ignored the rodent and stepped off the beanstalk. The clouds continued to swirl around him as he cautiously made his way towards the funny shaped building in the distance. It reminded him of something... The mouse watched from it's place tucked inside Goku's shirt. "This reminds me of snake way... minus the snake.... and the way..." Thought Goku. "I wonder if you can eat this stuff?" Goku stooped and grabbed a handful of the swirling white cotton. Eagerly he stuffed it in his mouth... and promptly spat it out. "Yuk! Ack! That's horrible." "I wouldn't go insulting the clouds you know..." "Why not?" *Zap* A lightning bolt shot out and caught Goku in the rear, Goku jumped a mile and madly fanned at the smoke emanating from his backside. "Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!... Oh boy... That hurt..." He cried out dancing around. "It doesn't pay to insult mother nature." stated the mouse smugly. "I see why. She's got a temper worse than Chi Chi." Goku quickly dodged another lightning bolt. "I think we should get going." "Good idea." Goku took off at a run in the direction of the odd looking building, lightning bolts chasing him and connecting from time to time. A few moments later he found himself at the base of the funny building. "This looks a lot like Kami's lookout." Goku looked around, no sign of anyone. Cautiously he made his way to the large doors that stood beneath a canopy. The closer he got the larger the doors seemed until Goku was standing at the base looking up. "Wow! Either I have shrunk or Dende has taken on a growth spurt. This place is huge!" The mouse smirked. "Welcome to my world." "Okay small fry... I get the gist. I wonder who lives here.... How are we going to get in?.... I hope they have some food, I'm starved, those beans didn't fill me up much." "There's a chip in the bottom of the door over there. I'm sure you can squeeze through that." Goku moved to where the mouse pointed and squeezed through the small gap. He gazed around at the room in front of him. To say it was huge was an understatement. Suddenly the ground shook and a voice thundered through the air space as a spiky haired, evil eyed, sweaty spandex clad giant entered the room.... "Fe... fi... foe... ahhh screw that! "Oh Sh*t! I'm so screwed." thought Goku as he ducked inside a cupboard to hide. ~ oOo ~ tbc..... |
