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" Goku and the not so Jolly Giant "Written By: Debs-dragon & Havoc Disclaimer: We don't own the DBZ crew, a rich Japanese man does. We don't own the original fairy tale "Jack and the Beanstalk" and we don't want to either. Rating: PG 13 Warnings: Parody, humor, insanity (Havoc's not mine!) Notes: This is going to be the first in what we hope to become the Fairy Tale arc... a series of fics that defy all logic by placing our wonderful heroes in well known fairy tales and in the process destroying all normal conception of said fairy tales. *insert evil grins here* Archive: www.dragonball-diaries.150m.com Anyone
else who wants this bit of random insanity then just ask! ^_^ Goku and the not so Jolly Giant January 2003 Debs-dragon & Havoc part 5
Goku scratched his head. "You remind me so much of a friend of mine. He's green too and wears a turban. Strange thing is he also lay's eggs." "He does?" the goose asked quietly. "Yeah he does, but it's all getting a little confusing right now." Goku scratched his head. "You see one minute I was watching the television and the next minute I was here in this nightmare." "Sounds familiar." The goose rolled its eyes. "I've been trapped here in this castle for as long as I can remember. I haven't seen the sun or fresh fields for ages." The mouse squeaked. "I hate to disturb this little reunion but the Giant is not going to remain asleep for long." "Oh yeah." Goku said sheepishly. "I forgot about him. The mouse rolled its eyes. "Hey goosey, what sort of eggs are those you're laying?" "I'm not completely sure but I think they're emerald eggs." "Emerald eggs huh?" Goku whistled. "They would sure be worth a lot of money then." "I guess so." the goose replied. "Raise the flags... we have a genius." the mouse muttered. "No need to be sarcastic." Goku huffed. "Look Einstein, why don't you grab the goose and that harp thingy and high tail it back down the vine to your wife. I'm sure she would forget about how upset with you she is when you bring her these gifts." "Mousey, I have to hand it to you. You're really smart." "Good thing one of us it or else heaven knows where we would have ended up by now." the mouse replied. "Do I have to take the harp thing though?" "Why not?" "I have a feeling that two women in the one house isn't exactly going to work. I mean you have seen for yourself just how bad Chi Chi can get." "Good point." The mouse thought for a moment. "You can always sell it." "I like your thinking." Goku tucked the goose under his arm and moved swiftly across the table to where the harp was sitting. The figure was still sleeping. Being as careful as he could Goku lifted the harp and began his retreat. The Giant still snored on, oblivious to the theft taking place under his feet. Somehow Goku managed to tuck the harp under his other arm and looked over the edge of the table. "How the heck am I supposed to get down there with a goose under one arm and a harp under the other?" The mouse opted to hide inside Goku's shirt. He figured he'd helped out enough today, let the guy figure this one out for himself. "I know." Goku carefully placed the harp and the goose on the table top then turned and got himself into position for climbing down. He reached for the goose and dragged him over. "You're a bird so you can fly down." he said and proceeded to dangle the goose over the edge before letting go. "Honk!" *Thud* With a flurry of green feathers the goose plummeted to the floor. "Crap!" Goku grabbed the harp again and quickly slid down the table leg and raced to where the goose was beginning to stand, shaking its head groggily. "I thought birds could fly?" he said as he dusted off the goose. "Usually we can but I've been cooped up here for so long now that my wings have atrophied." the goose huffed. "Errr... sorry." Goku picked up the green bundle. "Come on... we don't have much time." the mouse said as he stuck his head out of the top of Goku's shirt. "Right." Goku turned and began to head for the door. The harp chose that moment to wake up. One moment the harp had been having this wonderful dream.... She was with her giant, their cadence and rhythm building to the final crescendo and then the movements became disjointed, shaky and rough. Her eyes blinked open and she jolted wide awake. The movements she was experiencing were causing her strings to vibrate together rather uncomfortably. Looking around she found herself tucked under and arm and moving away from her beloved giant, and ohh the smell.... Bulma thought her gold plating was going to peel off with the odor. Hadn't this guy heard of deodorant? Trying to close off her olfactory system she took stock of the situation. She was tucked under an armpit... a smelly armpit, opposite her, under the other armpit was the goose. He didn't seem to be all that perturbed by the rank scent of the persons armpit... Or maybe he was, given that his head was swinging rather loosely from side to side on the end on his long neck. Summoning up her *vocal chords* the harp began to sing out. She didn't want to leave her giant and it seemed that this was what her captor had in mind. She felt her strings vibrate as she pushed everything she had into the sound. "HELP!!!!" "Argggg..." Goku screamed and did his best to plug his ears from that infernal sound which wasn't easy as his arms were currently full. "I agree!" squeaked the mouse as he dived back inside Goku's shirt to retrieve the ear plugging from earlier. Quickly he ran up Goku's neck and taking a firm hold of Goku's hair he shoved the stuff back into his ears, saving a little for himself. "Thanks!" Goku yelled his appreciation. "No problem now get us the hell out of here." "HELP!!!" sang the harp. The giant began to stir "Trust Bulma and her big mouth... She never did know when to shut up." muttered Goku as he continued to sprint for the door. The giant's eyes opened fully as the screech hit his ears again. He looked around and immediately spotted the fleeing figure, along with his goose and harp. With a roar the giant stood and began to pursue. While he wasn't all that concerned for the harp, after all it wasn't exactly music to his ears, he was rather attached to the goose... or the emerald eggs to be exact. "Dammit!" Goku cursed as he realized the giant was fully awake and now after him. "Run faster!" yelled the mouse. "What?" "I said run faster!" the mouse screamed again as he removed the packing from Goku's ears. "No need to yell." Goku huffed. He could feel the ground shaking under his feet as the giant began his chase. His legs moved faster and he began to wish he had paid a little more attention to his speed training rather that beefing up his muscles. The door loomed before him and Goku quickly darted outside and into the swirling mass of cloud. He paused for a moment as his head swiveled from side to side. "Which way to the beanstalk?" The mouse stuck its head out again and squinted his eyes. "Errrr......" Diving back inside he returned moments later with a small pair of mouse binoculars. He put the things to his eyes. "That way." he pointed to where he could just make out the tips of the leaves of the beanstalk. "I'm not even going to ask...." muttered Goku as he watched the mouse with the binoculars. Quickly he began to run again. Moments later the giant came crashing through the door. "Fe... fi... foe... ahhh screw that! Vegeta the giant looked wildly around but couldn't see the fleeing dwarf for the clouds that swirled around. He paused in his flight and let his body settle. Once more he began to scan around and then... there! Vegeta the giant could just make out the clouds moving unusually as a figure waded amongst them. "Now I have you!" he roared and took off after Goku again. "Uh oh! For once I thought nature was going to be on our side." Goku muttered. "Nothing is on your side." sang the harp, "Trust me I can smell it." "Can't you shut up?" "Why should I?" came the screeching melody. "Ohhh my poor ears... I have a good mind to just drop you and leave you here." "Please do. My giant will be more than happy to have me back and once he gets a hold of you, you will be nothing more than target practice." sang the harp. "He should get you some singing lessons. Either that or you're in bad need of a tune up." "Why you! How dare you insult me! I'll have you know.. oomph.. urrggg... phfft" Goku looked down in surprise and then grinned. "Thanks." "Hey no problem." the mouse replied. "She was beginning to get on my ear drums as well." The mouse gave a twitch of his whiskers as he stuffed a little more of the cotton wadding into the harps mouth and then scampered back to the safety of Goku's shirt. "I see it... I see it." called Goku as he picked out the shape of the beanstalk leaves against the backdrop of clouds. "Nearly there." he panted. "I think I'm gonna be sick." the goose said as he awoke from his unconscious state to find himself being jerked around. "If you are then make sure your head is facing that way." Goku puffed. "I don't need Goose goo all down my pants." "Ohhh my aching head. Hey did you guys know the giant is after us?" "Give the goose a medal." the mouse replied and then a tiny light bulb lit up above his head. "I have an idea." "You do?" "Goosey, can you lay an egg right now?" "Errr... mousey I don't think now is the time to be thinking about food." Goku panted as he continued to run. "Look who's talking." the mouse snapped. "I didn't say anything about food." "Oh." "Can you lay an egg now?" the mouse asked the goose once more. The goose scrunched up its eyes and gave a grunt. "Yes I think I could." "Right then. Goku you keep on running, goosey you get ready to lay that egg. When you feel its ready to pop out let me know and then Goku you lift the goose and aim its rear at the giant." "Huh?" the two replied in unison. "Just shut up and do what I said okay?" A few moments later the beanstalk was within 100 meters but the giant had closed his distance to just 20. "I think I'm ready." the goose said through pained eyes. Giving birth to hard emerald eggs was not his favorite pastime. "Right. Goku aim the goose's rear at the giant's head. Goku stopped and did as requested. He dropped the harp to the ground with a thunk and aimed the goose's rear at the advancing giant. "When I say now you shoot the egg out goosey... Goku, give him a little squeeze at the same time to help with the propulsion." "Ohhh kayyy...." "Now!" Eyeball to eyeball with the goose and hearing the command, Goku squeezed, the goose's eyes clenched shut and he forced the egg from within. *Poing* The egg shot out of the rear end and with the extra boost to its speed, courtesy of Goku, it whizzed through the air like an atomic missile and hit Vegeta the giant right between the eyes. Vegeta the giant swayed for a moment and then went crashing to the ground, stunned. "What are you waiting for? Let's get going!" the mouse yelled. Goku spun around and took off once more for the beanstalk, grabbing the harp as he went. He reached the foliage and securing the harp to his belt he began the task of climbing down. "Ever thought of going into the military?" Goku asked the goose. "With that kind of fire power the enemy wouldn't stand a chance." The mouse peeked out from within the shirt. "Give me strength." he muttered. The goose just rolled his eyes. ~ * ~ |
