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" Goku and the not so Jolly Giant "Written By: Debs-dragon & Havoc Disclaimer: We don't own the DBZ crew, a rich Japanese man does. We don't own the original fairy tale "Jack and the Beanstalk" and we don't want to either. Rating: PG 13 Warnings: Parody, humor, insanity (Havoc's not mine!) Notes: This is going to be the first in what we hope to become the Fairy Tale arc... a series of fics that defy all logic by placing our wonderful heroes in well known fairy tales and in the process destroying all normal conception of said fairy tales. *insert evil grins here* Archive: www.dragonball-diaries.150m.com Anyone
else who wants this bit of random insanity then just ask! ^_^ Goku and the not so Jolly Giant January 2003 Debs-dragon & Havoc part 6
The harp swung back and forth with the movement of the body. With an evil glint in her eye the harp waited for her chance. Goku was only aware of finding foot holds as he descended as rapidly as he dared. The harp bounced from his hip to smack him in the knees and then swing around to hit him in the rear and then repeat the process. The harp was quite happy to belt Goku in the shins and on the rear, he was after all taking her away from her beloved giant. As she swung around towards Goku's hip again so her eyes widened. Here was her chance, the next swing should give her the momentum she needed to swing just that little bit closer to the opposite hip. She shook her strings and waited. Goku scrambled down another *branch* and located a foothold, pushing his weight on to it he slipped his other foot down causing the harp to swing again and whack him in the knees. "Ow! Sh*t. Can't you watch where you're swin...." His little tirade was cut short however as the harp reached its intended target and flexed her strings. Goku's eyes crossed and he froze in mid descent. The mouse stuck his head out of the top of Goku's shirt to see what had halted their progress. He took one look at Goku's pained expression and his eyes traveled downwards. "Ouch! That's gotta hurt." he muttered. "Too right it hurts." Goku responded, his voice several octaves higher. "Get her off... Ohhh please get her off." Tears were beginning to form at the corner of Goku's eyes. "Now I have complete control over you." screeched the harp from her position at Goku's groin, her strings entangled rather tightly in the material and other bits of Goku's anatomy that weren't designed to accommodate harp strings. "Not for long." yelled the mouse and promptly dived back inside Goku's shirt. He reappeared moments later carrying a small pair of scissors. Goku saw the glint of the steel and whimpered. "Please be careful. I may be only one of a few of the Saiya-jin race left and I would like to pass on my genes." "If you don't keep still you won't be wearing jeans in the future." growled the mouse as he scurried down Goku's form. The harp saw him coming and her eyes opened wide. That mouse wasn't going to do what she thought he was... was he? Her strings trembled as she realized he was. Goku felt the tremble of the strings, rather painfully he might add. The harp tried to release her strings but only succeeded in tangling them further in Goku's clothing. The mouse advanced and Goku broke out into a sweat. The harp watched as the mouse raised the scissors and then unable to bear it anymore, quickly shut her eyes. She heard the snip snip as the scissors cut but felt nothing. She cracked open an eye to see what had happened and then wished she hadn't. Goku also shut his eyes as the mouse raised the scissors to cut. After a few moments the pressure eased and he was assaulted by a cool breeze. Cautiously he opened his eyes and looked down. The harp continued to swing again, free from the entanglement of Goku's lower regions but her strings were intact. Instead they were still holding onto shreds of Goku's pants. Goku's eyes took in the rather large hole that appeared in the front of his Gi. "What the?" "You're free from her clutches aren't you?" the mouse squeaked. "Well yes... But..." "Just think of it as a new fashion statement in zippers." "I am so glad I put on underwear today." Goku muttered. "So am I." came the unified response from the harp and the mouse. Once more Goku began his descent, only this time a little faster as it was getting rather chilly in some places. Meanwhile...... Vegeta the giant had managed to drag himself from his dazed state. He raised himself up and lifted a hand to his forehead where a rather large lump was beginning to appear. He rubbed at it for a moment and winced. "Damn that goose. I knew I should have had goose instead of turkey for Christmas." he muttered as he swayed lightly on his feet. As his head cleared a little so he was reminded of his current task. That scrawny person was making off with his goose and harp. With a grunt Vegeta the giant began to head for the beanstalk up ahead. Moments later he reached it and peered down. "Geeze I hate heights." Grasping hold of the top of the stalk he gingerly felt for a foothold and began to climb down after the Saiya-jin that had nicked his property. Goku looked up as he felt the beanstalk wobble. "Aww crap!" "What is it?" asked the mouse as he stuck his head out of the top of Goku's shirt. Goku pointed up. "Aww crap!" "I just said that." The mouse chose to ignore that, instead his beady little eyes watched as the spandex clad rear appeared to be getting bigger. "Any suggestions?" Goku asked with a raised eyebrow. "Hurry up and get to the bottom and pray that he doesn't pass wind?" the mouse said with an innocent expression. "Great, now he decides to become a comedian." Goku rolled his eyes. "I could get there a lot faster if I didn't have all this excess baggage." he said as he indicated to the harp and the goose. "Don't blame me for that. You're the one who wanted to take them." "Only 'cause I reckon it would keep Chi Chi off my back after the mix up with the cow and all." "Stop whining and move it, in case you had missed it there is a great blue rear end heading our way and it's attached to a pair of very strong hands." "Oh yeah." Goku immediately began to climb down again. Vegeta the giant could see the small figure below him. "Soon I'll have you in my clutches. I'll teach you to pinch my things." "Damn this harp and goose." Goku muttered. He was about half way down but the giant was gaining. Goku had an idea. "I'll let the harp go and pick it up when I get to the bottom." he said to himself as he paused and reached for his belt. "What are you doing now?" the mouse asked from his usual spot. "I'm gonna let the harp drop, then I can tie the goose to me and have both hands free to climb down. I cant toss the goose down as he can't fly." "Don't you dare drop me again." the goose responded or I'll never lay another egg again. The harp's eyes opened wide as she realized what Goku was about to do. Before she could protest in any way, which really would have been useless anyway seeing as how her mouth was still stuffed with the cotton and parts of Goku's pants were still tangled in her strings, Goku had plucked her from his belt and was holding her out ready to let go. "Hang on a minute, you can't do that the harp will....." Goku let go. "......break." *Thud* *Screech* "Or maybe not." The mouse peered down to where the harp had landed. On Chi Chi's head. Goku stared wide eyed. "Uh oh.... She's not going to be too happy when she wakes up." "Never mind her, what about him?" "Ack!" Goku quickly stuffed the goose down the front of his pants and scrambled once more down the beanstalk. "Air... I need air...." the goose complained. "Shut up and stay still." Goku muttered. The goose continued to wriggle around and Goku began to laugh and giggle as he slipped and jolted his way down. "Stop it. That tickles." "I can't help it." the goose replied. "It's hot and stuffy in here." "Keep this up and our goose will be well and truly cooked." the mouse mumbled. "It's not my fault." Goku snapped. "Fine, just hurry up. Spandex man is gaining." "Damn!" Goku managed somehow to slip and slither his way down, keeping just that bit ahead of the giant which wasn't all that easy with a goose down your pants, a mouse up your shirt, a beanstalk that kept wobbling and a soon to be rather peed off wife awaiting. Finally he reached the bottom and with a relieved sigh yanked the goose from his pants. "At last." he said as he dropped the goose to the earth and proceeded to scratch at himself as most football players, cricket players and any other sportsmen seem to do. "It's not over yet." the mouse stated and pointed back to the beanstalk which was shaking more violently with the closer the Giant came. "Now what?" "Grab something to chop it down with." the mouse yelled. "Sh*t! Am I the only one with any brains in this outfit?" Goku took off into the house. "Now what the heck can I use to cut that thing down with?" He yanked open drawers and cupboards as he searched for something to use. "Ah ha!" Grabbing the implement he charged back outside to the beanstalk. ~ * ~
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