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" The Santa Cause "Written By: Debs-dragon Disclaimer: I don't own the DBZ gang, a rich Japanese man does. Rating: PG Warnings: Humor, Santa torture, Agro Vegeta Notes: The Santa at the local mall has taken ill so Bulma volunteers Vegeta to fill in for him.
" The Santa Cause" December 2002 Debs-dragon
"Yes of course." "Fine." "No, no I assure you it's no problem we would love to help out." Vegeta cocked an eyebrow as he listened into the one side of the conversation Bulma was having on the phone. He felt his stomach turn with unease. "Okay then we will see you at ten tomorrow." "That's quite okay. Anything to ensure the kids are happy." "Good-bye." Vegeta snapped his eyes back to the newspaper as he heard the receiver placed back into its cradle. Now what was the woman up to? He didn't have to wait long for his question to be answered. Bulma sighed as she stared at the now silent phone. "Best go tell him." she thought and stood up from the small chair. She ran her hands through her blue locks as she made her way to the lounge room of the Capsule Corp dome where she knew her prince was reading the daily paper. Sure enough he was sitting in the chair glancing at the pages of print. She moved to the seat opposite and sat down. Vegeta watched her from the corner of his eye. He knew that phone call had something to do with him and he was aware that whatever it was he wasn't about to like it. He waited. Bulma fidgeted. He put the paper down and stared at the woman. "What is it?" he asked unable to keep the edge from his voice. "Ummm... that was the center manager from the local shopping mall. It seems they have a small problem with their Santa grotto this year." "So?" Vegeta raised an eyebrow. "Well... ummm... he wanted to know if we would be able to help out." "In what capacity?" "It seems the guy they had booked to play Santa has taken ill and they need a replacement so I kind of volunteered our assistance." Vegeta growled. He knew he was going to regret this but he had to ask anyway. "How?" "Well I said you would be willing to play Santa for them" Bulma got ready to duck. "YOU DID WHAT WOMAN!!!" "Aww come on Vegeta, it wont hurt you and it's really easy to do. All you need to do is dress up in the suit and have the children sit on your knee and tell you what they want for Christmas." "No." "Please?" "No." "Pretty please?" "No!" Bulma huffed and folded her arms across her chest. "It won't kill you." "No but it might kill them." Vegeta smirked "Please do it for me..." Bulma tried the wheedling tone. "No!" "Fine! If that's how you want to be then don't expect your precious gravity machine to be repaired the next time you break it." Bulma yelled. "You wouldn't." "Oh yes I would Vegeta. It's not as if I am asking you to go out and risk life and limb to save the world or anything. It's just sitting there and listening to kids tell you what they want." "But Bulma, I hate the sniveling little brats." "I don't care. Either you do it or you fix the dammed gravity machine yourself from now on." Bulma stood and left the room. Vegeta sat and contemplated his current predicament. He hated kids and avoided them with a vengeance, if he did this it meant he would be subject to their sniveling, whining voices all day. Not a very good option. If he didn't do it then the next time his training facility needed maintenance or repairs he wasn't going to get them done. Worse option. Vegeta growled again to himself. It appeared he really didn't have much choice in the matter. ~ oOo ~ Vegeta was aware of two things. "Ahh chooo..." "Vegeta!" scolded Bulma. "I've only just managed to get that mustache sitting right and you have to sneeze. Now I will need to re do it." Vegeta glowered at her through the mountains of white stuff that currently adorned his face. "Why does this Santa guy wear all this crap anyway?" he muttered. "Because he's from the north pole and he's an older guy and it's just the way he has always dressed and appeared." replied Bulma. Vegeta humphed. "I'm hot." "You will be cooler once you get out into the grotto, the air-conditioning should cool you off a little and I have a ready supply of drinks there as well." Vegeta smirked. Well at least if he had to go through with this farce he had made sure that Bulma was stuck here too. He stared at the woman who was dressed in a short red skirt and jacket, white fur trimmed the edges and a matching hat sat on her head complete with a little bell. "Cute" he muttered to himself. "Come on Santa." giggled Bulma. "It's time to go." Vegeta allowed his scowling form to be led from the tiny dressing room, along the corridor and into the special little grotto that had been set up for him. Looking around he felt sick. The place had been set up to resemble a scene from a Christmas card. A winding pathway led the 'victims' through a maze of frozen lakes, pine trees and penguins to the entrance to his special place. The door opened to reveal a chamber decked out with reindeer, elves, toys and shimmering tinsel with a large chair sitting in the center; scattered over everything was a fine layer of fake snow. White... everything was white. Vegeta's head was spinning. He hated white! Almost as much as he hated pink shirts. Bulma took him through and sat him in the large chair and proceeded to tell him what the job entailed. "The parents will begin to que up out there." She pointed to the 'frozen' pathway. "One at a time they will come in here to see you. You let them sit on your knee and ask them if they have been good or not and then what it is they would like for Christmas." "Sounds easy enough." "Whatever you do though don't promise them anything. Just say you will see what you can do." "Why?" "Because that's what you do." "Why?" Bulma sighed. "Trust me Vegeta, sometimes what they want for Christmas isn't always possible so by saying you'll see what you can do if they don't get it then they aren't too disappointed. If you promise it to them and they still don't get it then they are likely to flip out and god knows what else." An evil smile lit up Vegeta's face. This could be fun. "And what are you going to be doing woman?" "Why I will be assisting them in and then giving them a lolly pop and escorting them out." "Do I get a lolly pop?" Bulma swatted him upside the back of the head. "Behave! Our first customers are beginning to arrive." Vegeta glanced out at the pathway to see the crowds gathering. He shuddered as he noticed all the little demons awaiting his lap. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea." he thought. Before he had a chance to voice his protests though Bulma had thrown open the door and announced they were open for business. The crowd surged forward... ... Vegeta shrank back into the safety of the chair. He would much rather face Frieza and his henchmen any day than be accosted by this mob. Too late... He was trapped as the first little monster approached. "I can do this." he thought and willed his body to stop trembling as the small form was lifted by a smiling mother onto his lap. The child looked at him with wide eyes. "Why don't you tell Santa what you would like for Christmas?" said Bulma in a motherly tone as she leaned over the small boy to hiss in Vegeta's ear. "Get it together big guy" Vegeta just glared and grunted. "So have you been a good boy?" The child continued to stare. "You got a tongue in there kid or not?" Vegeta growled. The child's lower lip began to tremble. Bulma quickly picked him up off Vegeta's lap and gave him a lolly pop. "There you go. I'm sure Santa will try his hardest to bring you what you want." Bulma smiled at the child's mother as the pair exited. Then she turned back to Santa. "Well that was nice going." "Huh? I only did what you said." "Yeah and scared the kid half to death." Vegeta snickered. "Here comes the next one, try to be a little more... jolly this time." Bulma turned to greet the next child. After several children had filed through Vegeta began to get the hang of things. It was quite simple really. They climbed on his lap and he asked them if they had been good and what they wanted. This was usually told to him with excitement before the child was removed and a lolly pop given before the next one entered. The next child rolled up and climbed onto his lap. "Have you been a good girl this year." he asked feeling like a broken record. "You're not the real Santa. You're just someone dressed up like him." Vegeta blinked. Ahh the powers of perception. "How do you know that?" he gruffed. The young girl grabbed his beard and yanked it down. "See it's a fake." She let said beard go and the thing followed the natural pull of the elastic to snap back up to Vegeta's chin and smack him right under the nose. Vegeta's eyes watered as the fuzzy bundle connected with his face. "Ouch!" was all he managed to say. "What did you do that for?" "Cause you aren't the real thing and I think you should be exposed as a fake. You're suckering in all these kids and making promises you can't keep.... Agggghhhhhh" The child was suddenly cut off as Vegeta forcibly lifted her from his lap and threw her through the open exit door to fly gracefully through the air and land somewhere in the vicinity of the large water fountain..... ....on the sixth floor. Bulma and the child's mother, who had been chatting, failed to notice the little difference of opinion between Santa and the child and turned around as they heard Vegeta call out for the next 'victim'. "Where's Helen?" asked the obnoxious child's mother. "She asked about flying for Christmas so I obligingly pointed her in the right direction." Vegeta managed to keep the smirk hidden under the beard. Bulma cocked an eyebrow. "I think she's up on the sixth floor checking out the travel agencies." The woman looked thoughtful for a moment before thanking Santa and heading off to find her lost offspring. Vegeta quickly motioned the next child to come forth before Bulma could have a chance to question him. Several more children passed through without incident and Vegeta began to relax a little. Bad move. Never let your guard down while surrounded by the enemy. The little boy continued to squirm in his lap. Wearily Vegeta tried again. "So what is it you want for Christmas?" "Ummm... I want a pony." "Well I'm not sure if I can bring one." "But you're Santa.." "So?" "You can bring anything. I want a pony!" "I can't promise you that." The boy suddenly went quiet, narrowed his eyes and looked Vegeta in the eye. "I want a pony and you're gonna bring me one." Vegeta glared back just as intense. "Just for that I'm not going to bring you anything you little brat." The child looked shocked for a second then an evil smile lit up his face. He went completely silent and still in Vegeta's lap. Then poking his tongue out at Vegeta he whispered. "Bring me the pony fat guy." Vegeta was about to send this little demon back to the place it was spawned from when he suddenly felt warm..... ....and wet.... He glanced down as the sniggering child climbed off his lap. A large wet stain was appearing on his red pants. He glared at the boy who also had a matching wet spot on the front of his shorts. The child's mother clamped her hand over her mouth before speaking in very apologetic terms. "Oh my... Oh Santa I'm so sorry." She turned to the little boy and scolded him. "That's a very naughty thing to do Johnny. Why didn't you tell me you needed to go to the bathroom? Now you apologise to Santa." Johnny turned around and stuck his tongue out again. His mother missed it as she was too busy apologizing to Bulma and offering to clean up Santa. Bulma politely refused, gave the kid a lolly pop and shoved them out the door. Giggling she handed Vegeta a cloth and tried to help him clean up a bit. Vegeta glowered as Johnny left, the kid turned around once more to wave his lolly pop at Vegeta in victory. Vegeta raised a finger in salute. Glancing quickly around to see no one was watching he pointed the finger and sent a small ki blast at the boy's rear. Bingo Little Johnny shot six feet in the air and took off screaming, his shorts on fire and his mother hot on his heels. ~ oOo ~ Lunch was over and Vegeta had been changed into a clean pair of pants. They were ready for the afternoon stint. Taking up position once more Vegeta groaned. He wished he could somehow speed up time. Several more children graced his lap and poured out their wishes to his rapidly aching ear. He was sat in a haze listening to one child ranting on about how good she had been when all of a sudden there was a huge flash. Reacting purely on instinct Vegeta stood, took up a defensive pose and fired off an energy ball all in the space of two point three seconds. The child hit the floor with a thump, people scattered and the camera man blinked out from behind sooty singed eyebrows as his brand new Kodak was reduced to dust in his hands. It crumpled into a charcoal mass at his feet. He blinked again and then looked at Santa before gazing again at his camera remnants. "I only wanted a picture..." he murmured. Bulma placed a hand on Vegeta's arm. "Umm Vegeta?" "What?" "It was only a flash." "Oh." Feeling a little sheepish Vegeta sat down again and went to help the girl up. The girl took one look at him and was off and running. The next child was dragged screaming and digging his heels into the ground to take up position in his lap. "Have you been a good boy?" yelled Vegeta over the din. "The child continued to scream, his face turning blue in the process. "Shut up kid and tell me what you want for Christmas before I shut you up myself!" came Vegeta's snarl. The child only screamed louder. Everyone within a five floor radius clamped their hands over their ears and the sales for ear muffs suddenly skyrocketed. Vegeta picked the screaming bundle up by the scruff of the neck and deposited him on the floor by Bulma who waved a lolly pop in his face. The kid was immediately silenced as Vegeta sat once more. Rubbing his temples wearily Vegeta wondered just how much longer this torture was going to continue. He looked at Bulma. "I need a drink." he muttered. "I'll get you one." she replied and reached into the small cooler bag to retrieve a can of soda. "No I need a real drink!" Vegeta reached into his large jacket pocket and withdrew a small silver flask. He flipped the lid and before Bulma could stop him, took a large swig. The scotch burned all the way down to his stomach but made him feel instantly better. He smirked as he tucked the flask safely away once more. Bulma looked at him and shook her head in disgust. Vegeta just glared back. If he was stuck doing this job then he was damn well going to make sure he had something with him to ease the pain a little. He motioned for the next little girl to come forward. ~ oOo ~ "And I want a playstation two, a rocking horse, a puppy, a big Barbie castle with a princess Barbie, an anatomically correct prince Ken doll, a boxed set of Card Captor Sakura... preferably on DVD. a fairy outfit, a......" Two hours later.... "... a my little pony, complete games compendium, the latest hits of the 00's CD, a new video player." Vegeta snored. "Hey are you even listening to me Santa?!" ~ oOo ~ Vegeta eyed the kid warily. The child slunk forward and climbed awkwardly onto his lap. "So you been good kid?" The child nodded and looked uncomfortable. "So what do you want for Christmas then?" The child turned green, opened his mouth.... and threw up. "Agghhhh!!!! Icky! Icky!! Icky!!! You little monster...." Vegeta screamed. The child's mother quickly grabbed her son and shooting Santa a hateful look high tailed it out of the grotto. Fifteen minutes later Santa was cleaned up and ready for action again. A stunning young blonde approached the grotto. Vegeta stared. He couldn't see a child attached to her anywhere. She continued to approach. Bulma was occupied fetching more lolly pops. The blonde sauntered up to Santa and plonked herself in his lap. She wound her arms around his neck and leaned in close. Vegeta swallowed. Hard. "I've been a really good girl Santa. Do you think for Christmas I could have..." she continued the rest of her request in a whisper. Vegeta's eyes nearly fell out of his head and he thanked Kami for the white fluff that hid most of his now scarlet face. "Hey lady... Get off and out!" Bulma's voice tore through the small room. The woman just turned and gave Bulma a sneer before turning back to Santa. "This is for kids only lady and I'd say if you ever want to have any of your own you get the hell off my Santa now." Bulma's eyes flashed dangerously. "Whatever you say honey." came the sultry reply and the blonde placed a swift kiss to Santa's shocked lips before she stood and sashayed her way out. "Vegeta, you're dribbling." Vegeta scowled but wiped his mouth.... with his beard. The next few children passed through without incident then Vegeta saw something that made his blood run cold. There in the que stood a familiar figure. He tugged on Bulma's skirt nearly removing the garment in his haste to get her attention. Bulma turned around angrily to see what on earth was causing Santa to get this frisky all of a sudden. "Vegeta not now... Later okay?" She failed to look up from her position of sorting through the lolly pops. Another tug. Bulma swatted at his hand. "I told you later..." "Bulma..." A more insistent tug. "I thought once this morning.... Oh." Bulma stopped mid sentence as she turned around to see why Santa was being so ... persistent."Goku! Chi Chi! How lovely to see you both." Bulma moved forward to greet the other Saiya-jin and his wife. Goku looked at the Santa who was trying to hide with suspicion. Suddenly his mouth crinkled up into a wide grin. "Vegeta! Is that you under there?" Caught out Vegeta had no option but to greet his rival. "Yeah it's me Kakarott. Don't say one word or I promise you, you will regret it." "Oh Vegeta I think you look .... different." commented Chi Chi. "So how did you get sucked into this one?" asked Goku innocently. "He didn't get sucked in Goku, he offered to help out with the cause." Bulma proceeded to tell them the reasons behind their current positions. "Well I think it's very big hearted of you Vegeta." said Chi Chi in a warm voice. "That's not all that's big about him. " snickered Goku as he took in the amount of padding surrounding the normally thin muscular form. Suffering enough of his opponents mirth for now Vegeta decided it was time to move on. "So what are you doing here Kakarott?" he snarled. "Come to sit on my knee as well?" "Ummm.... No Santa I haven't but Gohan wanted to visit." Gohan came forth at the mention of his name and took his place on Santa's knee. While Chi Chi and Bulma exchanged conversation Vegeta did his Santa thing with Gohan. "So what do you want for Christmas?" "I'd like to have world peace, no bad guy's and for my mom to ease up a little on making me work so hard with the books." Trust Kakarott to have a kid so like him. "You sure you wouldn't rather have some great training stuff or maybe a few lessons in the art of battle from an expert?" Gohan thought for a moment. "Nope. " "Oh." "Look Santa if the world peace and bad guy's bit is too hard I'm quite happy to settle for a little less book work." Gohan's eyes looked hopeful. Vegeta snickered to himself. "Leave it with me kid and I'll see what I can do." "Gee thanks Santa." Gohan climbed down and went to fetch his lolly pop from Bulma. Goku shook his head. "What?" came the disgruntled voice. "Nothing." Goku's face continued to look amused. Vegeta shifted uncomfortably under the gaze. "Just wait till the others hear about this." "KAKAROTT!!!" Goku laughed as he quickly grabbed Gohan and Chi Chi and with another laugh and wave they were gone. Vegeta slumped in his seat. No doubt Kakarott would carry out his threat and he would find himself once more the butt of the joke. He sighed and looked at the now shorter line. The last child for the day sat on his lap and he tiredly asked the same question. "Have you been a good girl?" "Yeth I hath Thanta." came the reply. Vegeta blinked and then realized the kid was missing her two front teeth. He chuckled. "Let me guess... all you want for Christmas is your two front teeth?" Vegeta's face lit up in a grin at his own joke. At Santa's mockery of her missing enamel appendages the little girl jumped down, stamped her foot and kicked Vegeta hard in the shins. "Ouch!! Why you little..." The kid grabbed her lolly pop and took off running. Vegeta rubbed his sore shins. He still hated kids. ~ oOo ~ That evening Bulma and Vegeta were curled up on the couch watching a re run of some over exploited Christmas special when Bulma sighed. "You did a great job today Vegeta." Vegeta opted to grunt in reply. Truth be told his ears ached, his legs were sore and his throat hurt. Add to that the forthcoming teasing and embarrassment he was sure to suffer from Kakarott and his friends it had been a really good day... oh yeah just peachy. "So did today change any of your opinions on children?" Bulma asked. Vegeta thought for a moment. "Yeah it has. I now know that they are certainly the devil re incarnate in several different forms and put here purely to make every adults life a living hell.. Oh.. and you can't trust any orifice on their anatomy at all either, they all seem to sprout horrible stuff." Bulma frowned. "Thank Kami I can come home to peace and quiet, none of those whining, moaning, sniveling brats around here." "Ummmmm... Vegeta?" "Hai?" "I have something to tell you." "Hai?" "I'm expecting. You're going to be a father." Vegeta jumped up and ran screaming from the house. Bulma watched his disappearing form and smiled. "I think he took it rather well." ~ Fin ~ Merry Christmas to one and all from Debs-dragon. |
